captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
