Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
