I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
