You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
