so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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