The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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