Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize