I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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