so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
