I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
