I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Terrible idea I love it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
