He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i think my cat just said my name.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
