He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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