Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
