Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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