I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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