turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
