I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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