I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
