I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
