I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
