my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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