So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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