so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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