how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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