You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
