god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
