my being single is dangerous.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
