Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
