I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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