The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
