oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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