just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
