Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
