this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
