Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
