Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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