I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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