The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
