I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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