peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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