Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
