she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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