Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
