he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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