the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
