i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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