The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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