How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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