hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
