My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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