somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
