Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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