I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
