When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
