This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize