She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
