Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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