Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
