Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
