Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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