I think im going to throw up on grandma
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
