I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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