guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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