I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
