he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
