capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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