You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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