Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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